Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
