my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
