I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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