Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
