i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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