i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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