do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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