I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
