please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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