Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
