I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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