But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
