we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How's work?
Spinning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
