Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
