from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize