Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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