At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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