Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
