I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize