That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
