No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
