It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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