this beer tastes like vomit already
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
