Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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