you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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