You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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