i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
