I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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