Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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