just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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