you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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