The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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