Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
