i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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