WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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