You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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