I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is in my trunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
