Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
