butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
