He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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