She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
