I puked a lego.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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