am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I love you.
Bad choice
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
