I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
