would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
