i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love how my cats smell like pot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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