i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
