Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
