You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
