The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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