At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
