Buhtt sex?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
