they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
