I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
