hell yes lets make some ravioli
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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