piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
