What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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