If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
