My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
