So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
