will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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