after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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