People with herpes should wear stickers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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