I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
