thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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