you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
