Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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